I wasnt going to post anymore about losing the baby but I just feel like I owe it to the baby to do so. It was very much wanted and loved. Jon and I had been trying to get pregnant for 6 months. Six LONG months for me since I am so impatient. It was amazing to get that positive right after my birthday. We started right away imagining what this little baby was going to be and how it would be with it. I really want Lauren to have a brother or sister, I was so scared before to get pregnant now I just dont know if I can get past it. I hate to be selfish and not try because of my own fears but right now I just dont know. It was like sticking a knife in my heart when someone asked me yesterday if she was my only one because no she isnt we just wont ever meet the other one. I knew something was wrong with it all when I just didnt feel pregnant. I knew it was way to good to be true to feel so great being pregnant. Jon tried to keep me positive and I tried the best I could without worrying myself sick. I always had hope until last tuesday when I found out for sure.
I know people are just being supportive when they say oh I am so sorry but I dont know what to say to that. There really arent any words that make it better. I know they say in time it gets better. The only thing that does seem to help is Lauren. Nothing will make you feel better than her coming up and giving you the biggest hug and saying mommy i love you. I have to be strong for her. As much I would like to crawl into a cave for months it just cant be done. Life does go on and that is just the way it is.